According to dictionary.com belonephobia is defined as:
bel·o·ne·pho·bi·a An abnormal fear of sharply pointed objects, especially needles.
I have this. It's a problem, it's getting worse, but I don't really know what to do about it.
All kids hate shots, but I was always terrified. Around elementary school I was getting a vaccine in my leg, my dad was holding my arms but I kicked the nurse anyway. She let go of the syringe, so it was still stuck in me. Then the doctor yelled at me. Things haven't gotten better. I'm at a point where I don't go to the doctor if I think a needle will be involved. I have, on more then one occasion, refused to have blood drawn. I have to sign waivers. Last year I needed an IV. It took four nurses to hold me down.
I couldn't sleep last night b/c I have a doctors appointment in 23 days. An appointment that I'm pretty sure won't involve needles. But what if it does? This is what happens to me:
If I go in unaware of needle like procedures, and then they want to perform needle like procedures on me, I just can't do it. I need time to wrap my mind around it, weeks of anxiety to prepare myself. An unplanned needle situation is a recipe for a full blown panic attack. Seriously.
A planned needle situation isn't much better. There's shaking, crying, hyperventilating. The most seasoned nurses usually bolt out of the room as soon as it's over.
I once knew I was going to get blood drawn at the doctor. 100% it was going to happen. For weeks before I would tell myself as I went to bed, "16 more days until you go to the doctor and get blood drawn, and it will be okay." I brought juice, I made a snack. I was prepared. I went into the office and the doctor said he needed a blood sample. I burst into tears. Literal sobbing. I staggered out without a needle touching me, and I never went to that office again.
I could go on and on with needle stories, a new one just happened today. But the more important question is how much is to much? How much can something alter your life before it becomes a "problem". And if it is one, what should I do about it?
1 comment:
o my gosh! that is insane what you have to go through everytime you have a doctor's appointment. i came upon your story while look up info of belonephobia for a paper in my psyche class. i was hoping to use parts of your blog, like how nurses have to hold u down and things like that. wouldn't use any names but like just examples.
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