Patriot Act-ing

Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines patriotism as:
Pa·tri·ot·ism: love for or devotion to one's country.

I prefer Oscar Wilde's definition:
"Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious."

Last night I had a surreal experience. Before I get to that let me explain the back story.

When 9/11 happened I lived in Cedar Rapids and worked at Buffalo Wild Wings. Every Thursday was Karaoke night. It was a fun time with big rowdy groups, and always got a little crazy. One night a few months after 9/11 things seemed well on there way to the usual chaos. Then a strange thing happened. A little boy, six years old, got up to sing. He perched on a bar stool and soulfully belted out Lee Greenwood's "Proud To Be An American". I dutifully walked around trying to get drink orders, but no one spoke. When I asked people if they needed anything they would just lift a finger, a silent shh on their lips. Some were openly crying. I finally just stopped and watched, wondering why I wasn't as moved as everyone else clearly was. When he finished the crowd erupted, then things got back to normal.

Seven years later I'm back at Buffalo Wild Wings, this time just a customer. I of course want to watch baseball. Everyone else, it seems, is there for the Olympics. Groups of men in their twenties, another in their late thirties are suddenly experts on gymnastics, and can tell a breaststroke from a freestyle. The whole place erupts when America does well, and more disturbingly, when another country does poorly. These are guys that probably never went to their daughters ballet recitals, yet something brings them out on a Tuesday night to cheer for people they had never met, the only connection being that they happen to exist in the same country.

Am I the only one that doesn't get this? And wouldn't it have been more patriotic to be cheering for what I was watching, good old American baseball?

random weekend doings

I don't have the Internets at home, so posting on the weekend is a bit difficult. I'm also quite lazy. Here are some things that happened to me this weekend:

I realized I was reading Vegetarian Times while eating a double cheeseburger. Awkward.

I went to a wedding reception that was wildly awesome, oh and guess who the brides step father was. The CEO of Wendy's (actually a company that owns Wendy's and I think Arby's among other things). He makes about fifteen million dollars a year.
He and his wife sat and looked on as rowdy east siders made good use of the open bar. Thanks Bob!

Saturday I hung out with my sister and four year old nephew. He does entertaining things like wildly waiving his light saber while chanting, "lets cut open the cats belly!"

I took Monday off to do stuff for school and went to lunch with my mom. Julie and I had a potluck dinner and it was great! I can't wait for lunch to eat leftovers.

That about sums it up. What did you do this weekend?

belonephobia

According to dictionary.com belonephobia is defined as:

bel·o·ne·pho·bi·a An abnormal fear of sharply pointed objects, especially needles.

I have this. It's a problem, it's getting worse, but I don't really know what to do about it.

All kids hate shots, but I was always terrified. Around elementary school I was getting a vaccine in my leg, my dad was holding my arms but I kicked the nurse anyway. She let go of the syringe, so it was still stuck in me. Then the doctor yelled at me. Things haven't gotten better. I'm at a point where I don't go to the doctor if I think a needle will be involved. I have, on more then one occasion, refused to have blood drawn. I have to sign waivers. Last year I needed an IV. It took four nurses to hold me down.

I couldn't sleep last night b/c I have a doctors appointment in 23 days. An appointment that I'm pretty sure won't involve needles. But what if it does? This is what happens to me:

If I go in unaware of needle like procedures, and then they want to perform needle like procedures on me, I just can't do it. I need time to wrap my mind around it, weeks of anxiety to prepare myself. An unplanned needle situation is a recipe for a full blown panic attack. Seriously.
A planned needle situation isn't much better. There's shaking, crying, hyperventilating. The most seasoned nurses usually bolt out of the room as soon as it's over.

I once knew I was going to get blood drawn at the doctor. 100% it was going to happen. For weeks before I would tell myself as I went to bed, "16 more days until you go to the doctor and get blood drawn, and it will be okay." I brought juice, I made a snack. I was prepared. I went into the office and the doctor said he needed a blood sample. I burst into tears. Literal sobbing. I staggered out without a needle touching me, and I never went to that office again.

I could go on and on with needle stories, a new one just happened today. But the more important question is how much is to much? How much can something alter your life before it becomes a "problem". And if it is one, what should I do about it?

i hate snakes

I may have accidentally dressed like Indiana Jones today. I didn't realize it until after I picked out my outfit, and I was to lazy to change.

Darker then average khakis? Check
Off white button up that is slightly wrinkled with sleeves rolled to elbows? Check

If anyone feels like bringing me a leather jacket or a whip that would be awesome.


Indiana Jones: The hell you will. He's got a two day head start on you, which is more than he needs. Brody's got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan, he speaks a dozen languages, knows every local custom, he'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see him again. With any luck, he's got the grail already.

Later:

Indiana Jones: Come on, dad. Help me get us out of here. We have to get to Marcus before the Nazis do.

Professor Henry Jones: But you said he had a two day head start. That he would blend in, disappear.

Indiana Jones: Are you kidding? I made all that up. You know Marcus. He once got lost in his own museum.

who does that? oh right, me.

Since I'm telling dumb stories about myself I thought this one should be added as well. It's from a few years ago, but I was just reminded of it tonight. I'm at my friend Julies and she was telling me about how her three year old spilled laundry detergent all over the carpet.

At my old apartment I was doing laundry one day and was taking the basket out of the laundry room. I noticed a red liquid stain on the side. Thinking nothing of it I wiped it up with my finger and licked it!
Who does that? My only excuse is that for some reason I thought it was jelly. Never mind that I do not own jelly, or that even if it was jelly who licks jelly of a laundry basket?

Needless to say it was not jelly, and I got slightly ill. What was it? I have no idea. It didn't really have a taste, and kinda made my tongue numb. When I called my parents for some sympathy, and adult advise on whether or not I needed to call poison control, they could not have been more appalled. Let's keep in mind I was 24 at the time. Perhaps if I had been 2 they would have understood better...

I learned my lesson that day, and now I'm passing it on to you. Do not lick strange things you find in your apartments laundry room, it's just a bad idea.

oh, really?

I've started a few posts this week, but none have turned out well, so I decided to just tell a story about me being a dumb ass. Most of you may have heard this one, but I like it and felt it was blog worthy.

It's been established that technology and I don't mix, so when I bought an I Pod a few months ago no one was more surprised then me. I've used it exactly three times. My most recent was a few weekends ago at the local pool. I keep it hidden, sure someone will spot me for the technology posed that I am. As I was adjusting the volume someone noticed it and asked me about it, that led to the following conversation:

Dude: "Is that the I Pod touch?"

Me, internally: "Hmm, it's an I Pod, I touch it to make it go..."

Me to dude: "Yes"

Dude: "Really? Do you like it?"

Me: "Well, I'm not that good at this stuff, but yeah."

Dude: "What are you listening too?'

Me: "This American Life"

Dude: "Who are they?"

Me: "It's a show on NPR"

Dude: "Oh"

Conversation effectively killed.

Me later to my brother: "I have an I Pod touch, right?"

Bro: "Um...No. It's a classic."

Me: "Oh, I thought because I touched it to make it go..."

Bro: "........." Accompanied with look of pity and horror.

Book Review- Breaking Dawn

Don't read if you want to read the book!

The final book in the Twilight series came out on Friday at midnight. Lot's of you might not be familiar with this series. It's possible that you are how I once was; mocking and judgemental of the fools who could get caught up in a book about teenage vampire love. You are so so wrong. While I agree this series may not be for everyone, most people I've talked to that read it absolutely love it. Including me. That's what led me to pre-order the fourth and final book, and pick it up at 12:30 Friday night/Saturday morning. That's why ever time I looked at it in the next 24 hours I kind of giggled insanely, not believing it was finally here.

I finished it Sunday afternoon. It is 768 pages. I did do other things besides read last weekend. I went to breakfast with my dad, Festa Italiana Saturday night. The grocery store Sunday morning, and watched some of the Yankees game that afternoon at my grandma's house. I probably wouldn't be so desperate to get it done, but I work around people who are reading it, and I didn't want to find out anything about it before I was finished.

I liked it. It's not getting the best reviews online, and I think it lacked some of the feeling of the first three books. It had some more adult themes and sometimes I felt like the author was pushing her views a little. She's a Mormon. It was long but I obviously never lost interest. I will say that of the four books in the series, this was probably my least favorite, but I love them all so that isn't really saying much.

If you ever want to feel a little like a teen again, read this series. If you are reading/or have read it let me know what you think.