The Mailman

I am currently in a stand off with The Mailman. I recently started getting mail addressed to someone else, but with my address on it. On the first letter there was a post-it that said:
"If someone else is a this address their name needs to be added to the mailbox! - The Mailman"

I took the letter out and wrote "not at this address" on the post-it, then put it back in the mailbox. That was over a week ago and he hasn't taken it out yet. And he keeps continuing to deliver this guys mail to me. On every letter I write, "return to sender not at this address" but he WILL NOT take the letters.

So now I am checking my mail everyday, taking out whats for me and leaving the rest. My mailman is an asshole.

Update: I haven't received any mail since Friday, which is unusual. Could The Mailman be holding my mail hostage? Game on.

Bar Story

I was trying to sleep oh Thursday night, when I randomly remembered something that happened when I was a bartender five years ago. It's an unusual story so I thought I would share.

It must have been a Sunday night, because we were pretty slow and I was closing the bar by myself. I noticed an older man stumbling around by the doors, and I thought there might be trouble if he came and asked for a drink because I would have to tell him no. As I was thinking about this a women came to the bar and ordered two drinks. I got them for her and she called the man over. This pissed me off because I knew she knew I wouldn't serve him. I told my manager and she said just to keep an eye on them and let her know if anything happened.

The man was probably between 55 and 65. He was tall and fat with white scraggly hair and a Santa-ish beard. He had on overalls and a trucker hat. The women was in her 30's, pretty and well dressed. I never would have guessed that they were together. Well, I got distracted by some customers and the next time I looked over the man had blood pouring out of his mouth. He had broken the glass on his teeth, swallowed some, and kept drinking from the broken part totally unaware that anything was going on. The women was laughing. I called my manager to tell her what was going on, then pointed to the women and told her to get him out of the bar (I should probably point out that one of the least intimidating things ever is a 5'2 girl behind a 3 ft. bar- just not scary). She said something to me, and realizing that I didn't really feel like getting into it I made that universal bartender shrug of, "I don't get paid enough for this shit." My manager came out and her and the girl were going at it, with the guy just standing there still bleeding, still drinking. All three head toward the door as my manager escorts them out, and that is when the craziness happened. The guy stops walking, sways for a second, grabs my manager around the waist, and kisses her on the lips. Yeah, glass blood and all (she had to get tested for AIDS like every three months after that). The couple leaves and my manager locks herself in the office to cry for the next two hours.

Do you have your tickets?

Calendar Of Events


Gun Show
Category: Gun

Admission: $6 Adults, $1 for Children ages 1-11


Event Days:
December 19, 2008
5:00 PM - 9:00 PM
December 20, 2008
09:00 AM - 5:00 PM
December 21, 2008
09:00 AM - 3:00 PM

Location:
4-H Exhibits Building


Contact Info:
Daryl Klein 1/888.552.1486

I am so there!

Can I have the envelope please?

And the winner of the first annual funniest person I know award goes to....ME! Oh my god I was not expecting this!

To those of you who feel like you should have received this years award, get over it. You obviously aren't funny enough. So plaster on a fake smile and clap politely while I make my acceptance speech.

"This is such a surprise, thank you everyone. There are so many people. First I want to thank my mom. You taught me sarcasm, the proper use of eye rolling, and most importantly the ability to laugh at people who hurt themselves. Yes, while most parents instilled their children with compassion and empathy, not you. Thank you. And my dad. You taught me off color jokes, the importance of knowing your audience, and the way a well placed swear word can add emphasis. Thank you. To my extended family- thank you for being so ridiculous. After spending time at family gatherings we would go home with hours of priceless material to amuse ourselves with. Thank you for being you.

Next I would like to thank The Simpsons for the word Jeebus, hilarious. And Super troopers for, well everything. To Catholic school for instilling me with large amounts of guilt and self loathing, without which no one is truly funny."

[Music Starts]

"Oh no, I'm not done. Okay okay, I need to thank the most important person off all, without whom this would not have been possible, me. I could not have done this without my incredible wit and good humor. Thank you, me, for being who you are."

Che cazzo?

In class last Thursday we were talking about how women influence media and culture, and how culture influences women. After talking about plastic surgery and celebrities we started talking about make-up. After a student brought up that make-up is now marketed to girls as young as six or seven this is what my (female) professor said:

"When I was growing up in the Bronx the only girls that wore make-up before they were in their late teens were the Italians. (Pause) And they were fast. (Longer Pause) Sorry Libby."

What am I supposed to say to that?

Off the market?

I previously posted about wearing an engagement ring to work as a deterrent to being hit on by creepy guys. I considered it, but then decided against it.

Last weekend my grandfather gave me a very pretty engagement ring that was his grandmothers. I have been wearing it on my right ring finger. The last two days I've had moments where I feel like a guy has looked at me and seen the ring. Does an engagement ring on your right hand have meaning? Should I not be wearing it? Guy's what would you think if you saw this?

belonephobia

According to dictionary.com belonephobia is defined as:

bel·o·ne·pho·bi·a An abnormal fear of sharply pointed objects, especially needles.

I have this. It's a problem, it's getting worse, but I don't really know what to do about it.

All kids hate shots, but I was always terrified. Around elementary school I was getting a vaccine in my leg, my dad was holding my arms but I kicked the nurse anyway. She let go of the syringe, so it was still stuck in me. Then the doctor yelled at me. Things haven't gotten better. I'm at a point where I don't go to the doctor if I think a needle will be involved. I have, on more then one occasion, refused to have blood drawn. I have to sign waivers. Last year I needed an IV. It took four nurses to hold me down.

I couldn't sleep last night b/c I have a doctors appointment in 23 days. An appointment that I'm pretty sure won't involve needles. But what if it does? This is what happens to me:

If I go in unaware of needle like procedures, and then they want to perform needle like procedures on me, I just can't do it. I need time to wrap my mind around it, weeks of anxiety to prepare myself. An unplanned needle situation is a recipe for a full blown panic attack. Seriously.
A planned needle situation isn't much better. There's shaking, crying, hyperventilating. The most seasoned nurses usually bolt out of the room as soon as it's over.

I once knew I was going to get blood drawn at the doctor. 100% it was going to happen. For weeks before I would tell myself as I went to bed, "16 more days until you go to the doctor and get blood drawn, and it will be okay." I brought juice, I made a snack. I was prepared. I went into the office and the doctor said he needed a blood sample. I burst into tears. Literal sobbing. I staggered out without a needle touching me, and I never went to that office again.

I could go on and on with needle stories, a new one just happened today. But the more important question is how much is to much? How much can something alter your life before it becomes a "problem". And if it is one, what should I do about it?